DC: Welcome to BKED, Channel 82. This is Donna Cavalier, and I’m very excited to interview my next guest, Mr. Sheldon Cooper. Mr. Cooper, thank you for joining me today!
DC: I’m sorry, what’s that?
SC: Well, a doctor is either a person who is licensed to practice medicine, or a brilliant person who has been awarded a Doctorate, or in laymen’s terms, a Doctor’s degree.
DC: Okay. So anyway, Mr. Cooper.
SC: Doctor. Doctor Cooper. The brilliant kind I mentioned earlier.
DC: Oh, I’m so sorry! Doctor Sheldon Cooper, thank you for joining me today!
SC: Actually, I’m a Nobel Prize winning doctor but they don’t yet have a formal, universally accepted title for a brilliant, Nobel Prize winning doctor, so you can refer to me as “Nobel Prize winning Dr. Sheldon Cooper” or just “His Excellency” if you prefer.
DC: I see. Okay, moving along…
SC: But you aren’t moving. You are sitting there in your dingy home office, at your fake wood laminate desk, which probably contains deadly chemicals like formaldehyde, with your $10 webcam focused on the top half of your body, so no one knows you’re in your fluffy bunny pajama pants. One cannot move along if one is not moving to begin with.
DC: For the record, I’m not wearing fluffy bunny pajama pants, but…
SC: PowerPuff girls? Scooby Doo? Oh, oh, I know! I bet you’re wearing Care Bear pajama pants. I’m told girls are really into that sort of thing.
DC: Um, okay. I hear that you’ve led an expedition to the North Pole. Any chance you encountered Santa or his reindeer? Haha.
SC: Oh for goodness sakes. I specifically requested that I be interviewed by the station’s most intellegent reporter. It’s right in the contract, on page 17, clause 124. Would you like me to recite the specific verbiage? Oh never mind, you wouldn’t understand it anyway.
DC: Well, as much as I’ve enjoyed this interview, we’ve unfortunately run out of time. Thank you for coming. Up Next: The Rise of Narcissism and Its Influence On Policy.
SC: But wait! I haven’t had a chance to tell you about my theory of how time folds in upon itself, thereby…hello? Hello? Darn it.
Credit: Photo of Jim Parsons – Kristin Dos Santos, CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons